I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
