she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Randomize
