therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
