you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
