Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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