Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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