Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Can Purell be used as lube?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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