Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
