You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
