When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
