I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
