Who wears a wallet chain?!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
