Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
