Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
