Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
