Capitaan dildo arrescate!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
