I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
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Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
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So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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