Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize