Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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