he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
