you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
