So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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