he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
