Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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