he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
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i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
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He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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