Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I will pee on everything he values.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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