I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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