And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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