Michael Bay diarrhea
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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