too bad you live with your parents still
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
