I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
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