is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
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Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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