I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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