one two three fourrrrnication!
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
