What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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