She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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