Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
