Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
