So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
