how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
