I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
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I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
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Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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