JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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