i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
