Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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