i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
