my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
