That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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