Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
