Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
