Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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