have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
