We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
