Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
you're hired as official boob wrangler
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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