this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
