We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
