When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
two words...techno handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
40s are totally the cure
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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