I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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