she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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