I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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