Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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