i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
