Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
