Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
