Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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