He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
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