Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
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I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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