I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
