Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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