she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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