We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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