Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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