highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
